I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
