All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
