I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize