hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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