I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize