So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
