Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
