Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
