You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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