hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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