i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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