There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
