Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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