Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
