We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
