Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
