so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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