What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
