Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
