so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
