the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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