somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
