remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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