Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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