I bet he comes in French.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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