DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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