Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
