so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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