Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
