Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize