We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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