I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize