I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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