in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
