One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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