official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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