If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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