i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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