OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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