you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
