you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
