Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
