i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
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I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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