He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
