i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
