her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
