let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
