so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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