Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
