omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
