I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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