I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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