I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
