If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
