Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my phone needs a breathalizer
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
