my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
