I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
