Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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