you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
