his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
